Dating and Relationship Advice

I’ve had tons of conversations on dating apps that went… absolutely nowhere, and I doubt I’m the only one who’s had this experience. Even if your bio includes an interesting tidbit or question that serves as a great icebreaker, people tend to start conversations with a simple “hey” that turns into a “what’s up?”

And I’ll admit something: I’ve been one of those people. As an anxious person, I don’t always know how to slide into DMs without being weird. I’m not the most talkative person until I'm close with someone— and then I can never shut up.

As someone who's been on both sides, I know how upsetting and annoying it can be when most of your dating app conversations are boring at best. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, keep reading for four tips I’ve found helpful.

1) Look for conversation starters in their profile

Knowing what to talk about can be hard sometimes. If you’re feeling stuck, look around for interesting topic ideas.

Start with their profile. Do you see any pictures of them in cool places or doing exciting activities? Does their bio include a fun fact? If so, ask about it! This is a great way to have more intriguing conversations and learn about them. Bonus points if you find something you have in common!

2) Make plans for a date

Going on a date will give you both more to talk about. You two could go to the movies, then talk about what you thought at dinner afterwards. Or you could go to a park and teach each other how to play your favorite sport. Another idea is going to a museum and pointing out what you find the most surprising. So many options exist!

3) Communicate what you want

People use dating apps with different goals in mind—a long-term partner, a hookup, a friend, etc.—so be clear about what you’re looking for, and see if your match is looking for the same thing. This discussion would be necessary regardless of whether the conversation was stalling or not, so why not just get it out of the way?

4) Move on, but don't ghost

I hate to say it, but not every relationship is meant to be. Sometimes you and your match just don’t click or have chemistry, and that’s okay.

Instead of ghosting, politely let the person know you don’t think you’re the best fit, that you appreciate their time, and that you wish them well. I also encourage using pronouns like “I” and “we” instead of “you” so you lessen the other person’s pain. For example, say “I don’t feel like we’re the best fit,” instead of “You’re the wrong person for me.”

And remember, having to let go doesn’t mean you’ll never find “your person”—it just means you’re one step closer to that. Practice self-care and know you're worthy!

Download Iris