Dating and Relationship Advice

The fear of relationship rejection is common

If you're wondering how to overcome the fear of rejection in relationships, you've likely experienced the pain of rejection before. You've either experienced one-sided attraction where someone you were really into wasn't into you, you've been through a difficult breakup with someone you thought was your person or some other kind of trauma. Perhaps you haven't experienced being chosen at all and are wondering if you're attractive enough.

How to overcome the fear of rejection in relationships is different than how to over the fear of rejection in other areas because relationships bring out our vulnerabilities and deepest hopes more than other areas of life. All human beings need love and the desire for long-term partnership, while not universal, is common and strong.

The fear of rejection is common

So the first step in overcoming the fear of rejection in relationships is recognizing that you're not alone. Because the desire for relationship of some kind is common, the fear of being rejected in relationships is common even if it feels like you're the only one experiencing it. Just knowing you're not alone can help release fear's grip on you as you step out into dating situations knowing that it's likely that the other person is afraid of rejection, too.

The first step is to change your mind

The first step in how to overcome the fear of rejection in relationships is to reorient your focus toward mutual attraction rather than trying to be with people before you know if they're attracted to you, too. Reframe "rejection" as one-way attraction, which is simply insufficient for a functional relationship rather than an indictment against you. Stop taking one-sided attraction as a blanket statement on how attractive you are, and start seeking relationships where the attraction goes both ways.

You may object that mutual attraction is rare, but that's likely because we've been taught to focus on being whatever we think the person we think we want needs, rather than checking in with ourselves and asking if we are also getting what we need, if we are just as inspired to reciprocate, pulled to spend time with, and drop everything for them as they may be for us and vice versa. The reason rejection happens in relationships is likely, at root, a mis-alignment in attraction, but that shouldn't be taken personally. Mutual attraction is natural; we won't have to work to be people we're not in order to get the person we think we want. Being who we are makes us more beautiful physically because authenticity breeds confidence and confidence is rated as the most attractive physical quality by both men and women.

The first step in how to overcome the fear of rejection in relationships may be to start focusing on finding people you experience mutual attraction with. But maybe you don't know your type or how to find people who are attracted to you. This is where Iris comes in. Iris puts mutual attraction in the driver's seat and starts there.

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