Dating and Relationship Advice

As frustration with dating apps seems to be mounting for both men and women, many are lost as to what's not working and how to get the results they're seeking by using dating apps. One thing I'm not seeing a lot of people ask, though, is how common is mutual attraction? People are discussing strategy, which apps are "better" for the specific thing they're looking for, or simply attempting to commiserate with others who have been beaten up by dating apps.

Is Mutual Attraction Really that Rare?

The few times I've seen mutual attraction discussed on social media, it seems that most people involved in those discussions think it's very rare because they haven't experienced it. (Being attracted to someone who isn't attracted back or vice versa seems to be the norm, which leaves most people frustrated.) But is this really true or is it that the culture has shifted recently toward emphasizing compatibility, emotional connectivity, and decidedly non-physical aspects of potential partners. Daters these days have been actively discouraged from asking the question how common is mutual attraction and, in order to avoid being seen as shallow, we are actively trying not to consider who we're attracted to.

What Mutual Attraction Means

Despite society's efforts to move daters away from seeking mutual attraction, most people still want it and are looking for it without knowing that this is what they're looking for. Words like "chemistry" are common, but we're not taught what mutual attraction actually means. It's far more than a jolt of electricity when you see a stranger you think is hot, and it's far less than what you need to make a relationship work; it's what you need to make a relationship start. How you'll know if you're emotionally attracted to someone is by getting to know them, but you won't be given that chance if you have no compelling reason to talk to someone. While it has been framed and shallow or even immoral in the age of #MeToo to approach someone simply because you think they're beautiful, it's still one of the most common ways I've heard when couples share their "how we met" story.

What iris Can Do

This is where iris comes in. While people can debate about how to define "attraction," iris starts with physical attraction because that unlocks the key to all other types of attraction. As noted above, many people might claim that physical attraction is shallow, that "beauty fades" and that you need more than physical attraction to build a relationship. All of these things are true, but have you ever tried building a romantic relationship - as in, a relationship that is more than just a friendship - without physical attraction? It's not only painful, it's futile. So, how common is mutual attraction? With iris, it can be a lot more common than you have dared to hope for until now.

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