Dating and Relationship Advice

So you and your ex started texting again, and you’re thinking, “should I give them another chance?” Before diving head-first into re-kindling your romance, it’s important to pause.

The last thing you want to do is mess up all the emotional healing you put into moving on from your past relationship, only to have things end up in flames again. You didn’t spend countless nights crying over them for nothing. Sure, giving things a second try could go well, but that will depend on a few things.

Successfully getting back together means that there needs to be growth (amongst both people) and that things aren’t so bad that they could never be healthy again. So how do you do that? By honestly answering and asking these questions:

Can you trust them?

Your answer to this question will probably depend on how things ended. If you broke up because of lying or cheating, you have to be honest about whether you could ever trust them again. Rebuilding trust is a long, painful road. It won’t happen overnight. Make sure you and your ex understand the kind of journey you’d both be signing up for.

What changed with them?

Maybe it’s been weeks since you broke up or months. Regardless, you have to understand how your ex spent that time. Did they party and binge Netflix while ignoring their emotions until they finally felt lonely enough to slide back into your DMs?

Or did they lean into self-growth? Did they explore their personal issues and work on becoming a better person? You must ask them this and have a solid answer before making any decision.

What changed with you?

As much as it matters that your ex changed in a positive way, the same goes for you. If you’re still at the same emotional standstill as when you broke up, then the relationship won’t be much different the second time. Without growth from both people, you will only repeat the same relationship you had before.

Did they take accountability?

I can’t stress enough how easy it is for someone to be lonely and reach out to an ex. But rebuilding a happy, strong relationship? That takes a lot of uncomfortable emotions. If your ex hurt you but won’t own up to it or apologize, they’re not ready to do what it takes to fix what they broke in the relationship. Full stop.

Are there any unsolved problems?

What issues came up most in the relationship? Were there problems you were too scared to voice? Because now is the time to lay it all out on the table. Time apart won’t make your unresolved issues disappear. If anything, they’ll just be more annoying this time around. So have a talk with your ex about the tough stuff. If you can’t, then I’d caution against getting back together.

If you don’t feel confident about your answers to these questions, you’ll never feel confident about the relationship. I know it can be tempting to go back to what’s familiar, especially when you miss someone, but choose the option that won’t end up only prolonging your pain.

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