Dating and Relationship Advice

Everyone wonders how long they should wait before having sex with the person they’re dating. They don’t want to do it too soon, yet they don’t want to wait too long. So when is the right time to finally sleep with someone?

Well, that depends on a lot of things.

There’s no correct answer to this age-old question. Everyone’s comfort levels are different. What one couple does shouldn’t determine what you do. It’s entirely your choice when to have sex with someone new.

So let’s talk about a few questions you can ask yourself to help you decide.

Do you have good or bad experiences sleeping with people early on?

If you slept with someone on the first several dates and they ended up ghosting you, you might be hesitant to do it again. While the new people you date won’t be that jerk who went radio silent, those thoughts about your past probably affect how you feel today.

If you’re worried about the past repeating itself, then wait. You can communicate that to the person you’re dating, so they can understand your decision better. The last thing you want to do is rush into something you’re not ready for.

Do you feel attached to someone after sleeping with them?

For me, sex makes me experience all kinds of feelings for someone. I’m simply not a casual sex kind of person. If that’s the case for you, you might want to wait until the relationship is exclusive; that way, you don’t feel too devastated if the person you sleep with changes their mind about being serious.

But if you’re someone who can manage their feelings well, go ahead and have sex sooner.

Are they good people? Are you ignoring red flags?

If you’re worried about getting hurt, seriously consider the person, you’re thinking of hopping in bed with. Do they treat you well? Are they someone you enjoy spending time with?

How someone acts in everyday life tends to translate to the bedroom. If they’re selfish, they’re more likely to only focus on their needs during sex.

Have you talked about your sexual health?

If you can’t ask someone if they’ve been tested, then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. That’s not to sound harsh, but an STI is something that can follow you for life. Wanting to skip an awkward talk isn’t worth risking your well-being.

If you aren’t comfortable raising this question yet, that’s fine. Wait until you do feel comfortable. This is a perfect way to gauge if you could handle the embarrassing things that sometimes happen when sleeping with someone new.

Do you trust them enough with your physical safety?

Sex is vulnerable. Not just emotionally but physically, too. Letting someone handle your body isn’t a gift you should give to just anyone. So ask yourself: do you trust this person with your safety?

Are they going to respect you if you tell them to stop? Will they appreciate your body the way it deserves? A rule of thumb to always follow is that if you don’t feel safe with someone, don’t have sex with them.

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