Dating and Relationship Advice

1) Denial

You convince yourself that the documentary is only relevant to every other person in your generation, and not you, obviously. I can quit any time, I just don't need to. I only spend 30 minutes on my phone each day, you reassure yourself. You avoid checking the screen time tracker on your phone.  

2) Anger

Ok fine, maybe you're a little addicted. And maybe you should turn off your notifications, like those nerds in the movie told you to. You wonder to yourself, indignantly, why should I have to make positive, healthy choices for my life when everyone else gets to fry their brains through toxic digital consumption?

It's not your fault that you look so damn good in the Snapchat dog filter. And it's DEFINITELY not your fault that Instagram shows you the exact flavor of thirst traps you're in the mood for each day.

3) Bargaining

What if I delete Tik Tok and Snapchat, but keep Instagram and Facebook? Actually, I can't just give up on my streaks like that. What if I turn off my notifications but am still allowed to check my phone whenever? No, because then I won't know who we're canceling at the moment. Ok, whatever, I'm just going to try super hard not to look at my phone as much. You say to yourself. You haven't been able to keep your last five basil plants alive, but you totally have the self-discipline to pull this off. I mean, all you have to do is resist consuming the product that a team of Stanford grads designed specifically for you to become addicted to. Easy peasy, right?

4) Depression

You quit cold turkey by deleting all your social media accounts. You fall into deep levels of depression and despair. You wonder what sexy Willy Wonka from Tik Tok is up to these days. Your life feels meaningless without him around.

5) Acceptance

It's been exactly three hours since watching The Social Dilemma and you feel like you're a totally new person now. You decide that you're ready to end your journey of self-growth and re-download all your social media apps. You acknowledge that you will probably never get over your phone addiction. But you only live once, so you should use the vices that are still allowed during your time. Since opium is illegal, you'll stick to Facebook instead.