Dating and Relationship Advice

"My most recent ex said it’s the wrong time, but I’m the right person. Does this situation ever actually work, as in people reconnect at the right time? Or should I just move on? I’m very confused because she hasn’t sent me any of my stuff back and continues to follow me on social media though she hasn’t spoken to me in weeks. So I don’t know what’s going on."

Signed, Mr. Wrong Time

Dear Mr. Wrong Time,

I’m glad you’re writing in to ask this question. A lot of people wonder about the same topic: is there such thing as the right person at the wrong time? The answer is a bit more complicated than yes or no. I'll explain by going through what you told me.

First, let's focus on the stark difference between your ex’s words and her actions. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in their life. This will be true with all your relationships, including friends and family. When someone cuts contact with you, it’s clear you’re not a priority. Her actions speak very loudly. Listen to them.

Now for her words. Your ex implying you’re the “right person” would mean she sees how fantastic you are. She sees that you’re a perfect match for her. She wants to keep you in her life.

Yet, her actions show otherwise. So what’s up with that?

Well, there are a lot of reasons why she could think you’re great but still break up with you. Maybe she only sees you as a friend or wants to date around. Perhaps she thinks you'd make a great boyfriend, but she just doesn’t feel a connection. Or maybe she’s at a point in her life where she’s not ready to date. Who knows? I can’t read her mind. But the answer to this isn’t important, because you can’t live your life based on whether one person will change their mind.

What I deeply dislike about the line "right person, wrong time" is that it gives someone like you hope. Instead of your ex-girlfriend cutting things off with you entirely, she’s leaving just enough of a connection so that, if she changes her mind, you’ll be there waiting.

The truth is, her words don’t mean anything. Neither of you can know who the right person is. Heck, I’ve been together with my boyfriend for two years and even I don’t know what will happen in the future. I can hope. But I’m not a psychic, and neither is your ex.

Is there a chance that your paths will cross again, and someday things will click? Maybe. But should you wait around for that to happen? No. Hard no.

Your ex made her choice to live life without you. If she wanted you in her life, she would’ve stayed with you. All you can do now is move forward based on her actions, not her words. Her actions show that you’re not a priority to her. It’s time to heal the part of you that she hurt so you can move on.

When you meet the actual right person, things won’t be this difficult. They won’t leave knowing they met the person they want to be with. They’ll stay. Because no one can know if someone is the "right person, wrong time". All you can do is live your life in the present and find the person who’s right for you now.

Want your question answered by iris? Send it in here!

Download Iris