Help! My Boyfriend Shaved His Head During The Pandemic

I’ve always admired my boyfriend’s wavy, brown hair. It’s a symptom of the dissatisfaction I feel about my own stick straight hair, which falls flat by mid-day even after I spend an hour curling it in the morning. But he has never shared this affinity, instead groaning about how inconvenient or annoying it is to have those beautiful locks. (He calls it impractical, I call him ungrateful.)

Some of his common complaints are: “do you know how many products I have to buy just to keep it in check?”

Or “I hate having to get my haircut every 2 weeks just so it looks okay.”

Or “It's so hard on my girlfriend because everyone wants me for my sexy hair and she has so much more competition because of it.” Ok, maybe I made this one up, but I find it far more valid than his two other concerns.

With shelter-in-place rules and the temporary shutdown of barber shops, my boyfriend finally found an excuse to shave it all off. And indeed... that is exactly what he did. In front of me, too. It’s like that common saying: a car crash you can’t look away from.

Remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother, when it’s the day of Marshall and Lily’s wedding and Marshall shaves a streak of his hair right down the middle? And then you, the audience, gasped in horror? That’s basically how I feel. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll love him regardless of how he looks. But man, I really liked that hair.

At least I know I'm not alone in this battle. Every woman knows the universal truth: the average millennial man looks worse with his head shaved. Just last month, Pete Buttigieg shaved his head and everyone on Twitter made fun of him. As someone who recently went through it myself, I’ll just say this: Chasten, I feel for you.

Perhaps I should create a support group during this pandemic for all the SOs of men with voluptuously marvelous hair, who shaved it all off because they didn’t trust us to give them a little trim. I mean, I would’ve done it, if it meant still being able to run my hands through those soft and cushy locks. (It’s possible he would’ve left the situation with cuts on his forehead but hey, worth it.)

Now that my boyfriend has shaved his head, I have no choice but to wait patiently for his magnificent mane of naturally tousled locks to grow back again. Until then, I’ve found a decent solution to my ails: whenever I see my boyfriend, I’ll just picture him as Timothée Chalamet from the scalp up.