Dating and Relationship Advice

You've just come home from your first date. Your date texts you to ask whether you would be down to meet up again. A few things run through your mind — it was an enjoyable night, but you didn't feel any "sparks" or magical fireworks. Or maybe your date wasn't your conventional "type," which casts doubts in your mind about whether they would be worth a second date.

We've all been there before, at one point or another. But before you send your date a light rejection note, here are a couple of things to consider:

1. Were They Respectful?

When considering whether to invest more of your time in someone, it's important to consider whether they are respectful towards you and your needs.

If you felt like your date was pushing your boundaries at any point, giving them a second chance may not be a good idea. Think about it: you've only gone out with this person once, and they are already disrespecting you. Even though it might be tempting to think that time will smoothen things out, you probably know better than to believe this deep down.

2. Were There Any Major Red Flags?

Did your date arrive late without good reason? Were they rude to the waiter? Were they impolite to the people around you? If your answer to these questions was a "yes," then you have a good reason not to consider going on that second date. However, if there weren't any major red flags, then you know, based on your first impression, that your date is a decent person to be around.

It's also important to remember that there is a distinction between a red flag and personal preference. Just because you might disagree with how they dress or their hairstyle does not mean that you are incompatible. While these things might seem important to you now, remember that they aren't as significant compared to personality traits in the larger scheme of things.

3. How Much Time Did You Spend With Them?

The length of your first meeting often varies, but the amount of time you spend with your date can determine how much ground you can cover. For instance, if you were only able to spend an hour with your date while also being engaged in an activity like bowling or browsing a flea market, then the amount of time you've spent getting to know them in-depth might not be sufficient to helping you make an informed decision about them.

If you feel more time with your date — or getting to know them in a different social environment — could change your perspective about them, giving them a second chance might be worth a shot!

4. Would a Second Date Give You The Chance to Clarify Things About Them?

Sometimes, you might find yourself coming out of your first date wondering why you didn't ask certain questions to get to know your date. It can also be awkward asking more personal questions over text: this is when a second date becomes useful!

Something I've done in the past is jotting down things I want to know about my date — this could include their motivations in life, their relationship with their family, or even why their last relationship ended. This doesn't mean that the sole purpose of my second date is to cover all these grounds! Instead, the list gives me an idea of what I feel I have yet to discover about the person, which makes me excited to go with them on third, fourth and even fifth dates.

5. Did You Have a Good Time with Them?

Sparks don't always fly the first time you meet someone. Instead, what is important to consider is whether you enjoyed your time with your date. Even if you might not immediately consider them "the one," remember that chemistry can be built over time.

Who knows — your second date might be the turning factor in your relationship!

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