Dating and Relationship Advice

Starting a new relationship isn’t easy, especially when you dwell on the hardships you have experienced in the past. Everyone carries different burdens into a relationship — while someone may have ten suitcases full of emotional duress, others may only have a wallet full.

When I was 18 years old, I lost somebody who was very special to me: my girlfriend. She and I dated for seven months, beginning in a wondrous summer. The reason I fell for her so strongly was that we immediately clicked. It felt like we were cut from the same cloth; we had the same taste in music and clothing. We also shared the same characteristics, as both our charismas could light up a dark room.

Her death occurred so abruptly that it swept me off my feet. I remember receiving a text message from my friend saying she had passed. I thought he was referring to somebody else with her first name, but at that moment, the churning inside my stomach nearly crushed me. I knew exactly who he was talking about.

The grieving process following her death almost destroyed me permanently. It was one of the most difficult losses that I have ever faced. I almost flunked my senior year of high school, and I would sleep all of the time. Luckily, my teachers knew what I was going through and provided some leniency. It took me two years before I started moving on — I am able to love again but I will never forget her.

Sometimes it’s important for us to look into ourselves, so we can examine why past events still affect us today. I know that I am not the only one who carries significant emotional burdens from my past, and I hope my strategies for moving on will help others who are undergoing the same process.

Get The Help You Need

For those who are still in pain and struggling to move on from a devastating experience, the prospect of starting a new relationship may be unbearable to even think about. At this point, I recommend seeking some help. There are psychiatrists and other licensed therapists who are trained for this exact nature. Break-ups are already hard, and they are especially devastating if the person you loved passed before their time.

Give Yourself Time To Move On

If you still haven't moved on from a tragic experience, you shouldn't move quickly to a new relationship. This could make for a catastrophe, especially if you’re trying to meet somebody new. When you’re still tied to a past relationship, you will see your former partner in many aspects of your new relationship.

Keep a Positive Outlook

Keeping a positive outlook on the situation is not only important for your future, but also your mental health. Even if things are a bit difficult right now, they will eventually get better. Remember, life can be a roller coaster. We’re all going to have our ups and downs, it just depends on how you choose to handle them. You should consider developing the skills that are necessary for you to accept what has happened and move on.