How To Get What You Want Out Of Online Dating
Online dating is the perfect place to practice self-empowerment. You can chill out at home in your sweatpants and swipe away rather than standing in tight clothes at a bar, hoping to make fleeting eye contact with someone you find attractive. It brings you results, without the uncomfortable process of having to approach someone out of the blue.
That being said, using an app doesn't necessarily make it easier to find a long-lasting connection. The screening process that digital dating offers sometimes prevents you from developing more meaningful connections outside of just physical attraction. Here are some tips on how to get what you really want out of online dating.
Ask the important questions
Rather than talking about how cute your match looks in their profile pic, maybe talk about the essential things that are dealbreakers for you in a relationship. For instance—what is their family like? Do they believe in marriage or want to have kids at any point? What are their career goals? Finances are also something to discuss later down the line—you can ask them what their retirement plan looks like, and how they handle budgeting.
Stay honest and demand accountability
You don’t deserve an unwarranted nude pic, or to be told off because you want out of a conversation. Always remain honest and keep your head up high when online dating. If someone does something that’s not cool or crosses a boundary for you, they are responsible for that. Don’t get caught up in someone else’s problematic behavior—let them know what they did wrong before you unmatch, and why you deserve an apology.
Turn your supposed failures into strengths
You aren't a failure because of your past mistakes. For instance, if you’re divorced, you shouldn't see your experience as automatic proof that you’re terrible at relationships. If your past fling went awry, you shouldn't see this as a reason to never take a risk again. If anything, these experiences should serve as a reminder that you’ve weathered scary storms and made it through, stronger than ever. Your mistakes are your learned experiences, and you will take these lessons into each new romantic venture. Allow yourself to take risks, because this is key to your future self-growth and self-empowerment.
Find power in the little things
At the end of the day, online dating is empowering because it gives you complete control and agency in who you want to be with. Celebrate that power, using it for good with someone that respects, admires, and genuinely cares about you.
And if you’re an independent spirit who requires a lot of space and freedom, that's fine too! You don’t have to let yourself be tied down. Search for your fellow adventurers and adrenaline-seekers who appreciate the same amount of space in their romantic relationships. As you both come to understand and align with each other's feelings and goals, you'll see your dating turn into a relationship eventually. You should never have to sacrifice any piece of your identity when navigating this bumpy digital terrain, and with that perspective, you can ultimately empower yourself as an online dater.