90s Dating Rules: Do They Still Hold Up Today?

The dating world has changed drastically since the 1990s, thanks to advancements in technology and shifting societal norms. However, some elements of dating have remained constant over time. In this blog, we’ll take a trip down memory lane, revisiting 90s dating rules and analyzing whether they hold up in today’s fast-paced, tech-driven dating landscape.

The Influence of "The Rules" on 90s Dating

In the 90s, the release of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider became a cultural phenomenon, promoting a controversial strategy for women to play hard-to-get in their pursuit of long-term relationships. The book sold over two million copies and became a dating bible for many women.

Some of The Rules included advice like:

• Don’t call him and rarely return his calls.
• Don’t talk to a man first.
• Always end phone calls first.
• Be mysterious and don’t share too much.

While some people swear by these strategies, many critics today argue that these “rules” were rooted in a dated, passive approach to relationships. The focus was on creating mystique, maintaining control by playing hard-to-get, and relying on old-fashioned gender roles. Today, many find these tactics anti-feminist and manipulative, as modern dating values open communication, honesty, and equality.

Are 90s Dating Rules Still Relevant Today?

The 90s dating rules reflected a time before the rise of smartphones, dating apps, and instant messaging. The idea of waiting by the landline for someone to call or meticulously planning a night out seems quaint in comparison to the flexibility and immediacy of modern dating. However, let’s break down some of these classic rules and see how they’ve fared:

1. Don’t Call First or Make the First Move: In the 90s, dating advice often emphasized that women should let men initiate contact and show interest. Today, however, gender roles in dating are much more fluid. Apps like Bumble empower women to make the first move, and it's widely accepted that both partners can take the lead. Open communication and showing interest, regardless of gender, are key to fostering meaningful connections.
2. Always Let Him Pay for the Date: The expectation that men should always foot the bill on a date is a throwback to older gender norms. In today’s world, many couples opt to split the bill or take turns paying. While some people still prefer more traditional dating dynamics, equality in relationships is more prominent, with many choosing what feels most comfortable for them.
3. Don’t Reveal Too Much About Yourself: The Rules encouraged women to keep an air of mystery and avoid being too open or vulnerable early on. In contrast, today’s dating culture celebrates authenticity. Whether it’s updating your dating profile or messaging with a match, being open about your interests, values, and intentions is encouraged. Honest communication is foundational to forming genuine connections.
4. Don’t Live with Him Before Marriage: This rule, reflective of more conservative views on relationships, hasn’t held up well in modern dating. Many couples today choose to live together before marriage as a way to strengthen their relationship and determine long-term compatibility. Cohabitation is no longer considered taboo but is instead seen as a practical step for many.

The Role of Technology: From Landlines to Dating Apps

One of the most significant changes in the dating world since the 90s is the rise of online dating. Back then, people relied on landlines, answering machines, and face-to-face interactions to get to know each other. Today, dating apps like Iris Dating provide a completely different experience, enabling users to meet potential partners from the comfort of their phones.

Iris Dating’s AI-powered technology offers a unique twist by predicting mutual attraction between users, making it easier to know who might be interested in you from the start. In contrast to 90s dating, where guessing whether someone liked you was part of the game, modern dating apps offer a clearer path to understanding mutual interest.

What’s Stayed the Same?

Despite all the changes, some dating “rules” from the 90s have stood the test of time. Having a plan for a date, showing respect, asking questions, and getting to know each other are timeless aspects of dating that remain just as important today as they were 30 years ago. And while technology has revolutionized how we meet people, the fundamental goals of dating—finding connection, companionship, and love—have stayed constant.

Making Your Own Rules

If The Rules taught us anything, it's that dating advice can be subjective. What worked in one era may not be applicable in another, and what works for one person may not work for another. Ultimately, it's important to create your own "rules" based on your values, needs, and what feels right for you.

Conclusion: 90s Nostalgia and Modern Romance

While 90s dating rules were shaped by their time, many of them are outdated in today’s more progressive and technologically advanced dating scene. Authenticity, equality, and open communication are the pillars of modern relationships, and with apps like Iris Dating predicting mutual attraction, navigating the dating world has never been easier.

So, while we might look back fondly on mixtapes, landlines, and a simpler time, we can all agree that making your own rules and embracing what works for you is the best way to approach dating—no matter the decade.