Dating and Relationship Advice

Modern dating can be tough. What makes it even tougher is when you set unrealistic expectations for your potential matches. Think about it: being extra picky dwindles your dating pool from what could be a handful of matches to maybe one person who can live up to your standards.

Of course, we aren’t saying it’s a bad thing to have requirements for a potential partner. But we are saying that it’s important you are flexible with what you’re looking for. None of us are perfect, not even you. So there is no reason to expect your partner to be. Relationships are about compromise and growing together.

To break it down even further, here are some reasons unrealistic expectations can ruin your dating life:

They Create A Wall

Setting your standards too high for a partner automatically builds a wall between you and anyone you meet. If they don’t hit the checkbox on your list right away, you will automatically become detached and closed off to the idea of getting to know them further.

This puts a lot of pressure on your partner to make the best first impression, which is not everyone’s strong suit. Creating this wall will stop you from getting to know the unique person you have across the table from you. Everyone deserves a little time to open up and show you who they truly are. Relax your high standards, and give your date that chance.

They Set Your Partner Up For Failure

If you are in a relationship or even just starting out and going on casual dates, unrealistic expectations will set your partner up to fail. By having such high standards, you are basically holding a rule book up in front of your partner telling them that if they don’t follow it, they don’t deserve to be with you.

Having more relaxed, balanced, and flexible wants and needs in a relationship helps to gently nurture, grow, and strengthen the bond. The effort of a relationship needs to be on both sides and the expectations should be grounded in fundamental needs such as respect and kindness.

They Keep You From Living in the Moment

One of the worst things that having high expectations can do is keep you from being present. By worrying about what your partner is living up to and what they are failing miserably at, you are keeping yourself from fully experiencing your day-to-day interactions.

Having high expectations is common among people who are always thinking of the future. They usually are trying to plan their weddings, their careers, and build the ultimate 5-year-plan. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that. A solid plan can be a great thing to have. But it is important to experience the present especially at the beginning of the relationship.

They Hide the “Good”

Having high standards and unrealistic expectations of your potential suitors will hinder you from being able to see all the ‘good’ there is in the person. By treating your date like a checklist, you are overlooking all the good things that weren’t even on your list to begin with.

To change your mindset, try to drop your checklist at the door and have an open and natural conversation with your date. You might just discover qualities that you love in a person that you never would have expected. They may even outweigh your list of standards!