How to Make the First Move: A Modern Guide to Shooting Your Shot

Regina Phalange -

Making the first move can feel like stepping onto a tightrope without a safety net—but here's the thing: It doesn’t have to be that way. Whether you're looking to DM someone, ask out a crush IRL, or figure out how to spark something with the cute guy at your favorite coffee shop, we've got you covered. Forget the old "wait for them to come to you" advice—it’s 2024, and shooting your shot is officially the vibe.

Let’s break it down into steps that are fun, approachable, and totally doable.

1. Be Real About It

No need for cheesy pick-up lines or overthinking your opener. People love authenticity—it’s basically the hottest thing you can wear. Start with something simple like:

  • “Hey, I noticed you love [insert shared interest here], and I think that’s really cool!”
  • “You’ve got great taste in [whatever they’re into]. Want to chat about it over coffee?”

When you’re real, you stand out. Trust us: Confidence and authenticity are like peanut butter and jelly—they just work.

2. Forget the Old Dating Norms

Raise your hand if you’ve heard, “Guys should always make the first move.” Yeah, us too. But we’re living in a world where 43% of Gen Z and nearly a quarter of Millennials believe dating roles are changing. (Stats don’t lie.) Whether you’re sliding into someone’s DMs or asking someone out face-to-face, go for it. Breaking the ice can be a power move, no matter your gender.

3. Timing Is Everything (But Don’t Overthink It)

You know that TikTok where someone goes, “Do it scared”? That’s your energy here. The perfect moment doesn’t exist, but good moments do. Maybe they just posted a story about their favorite band—reply with, “No way, I love them too! Have you been to a concert?” Or, if you’re face-to-face, compliment their style or ask for their thoughts on something around you.

Sometimes the simplest, most spontaneous openers make the biggest impact.

4. Build the Energy (Without Being Over the Top)

Your move doesn’t have to feel like a grand gesture from a rom-com. It’s all about creating a vibe. Got a crush at work? Start by grabbing coffee together during a break. Feeling bold on a dating app? Skip the “hey” and dive into a fun question like, “Okay, let’s settle this: best pizza topping of all time?”

By making it low-pressure, you give the other person room to engage without feeling overwhelmed.

5. Read the Room (or the Text, or the Emoji)

Okay, so you’ve made the first move. Now what? Pay attention to their response. Are they keeping the convo flowing, or do their replies feel short and closed off? If they’re into it, keep going! If not, take the hint and move on gracefully. Rejection is part of the game, but every “no” gets you closer to a “yes.”

Why the First Move Is So Worth It

Here’s the tea: Making the first move isn’t about controlling the outcome. It’s about taking charge of your own story. People often overthink, waiting for someone else to act first. But when you step up, you’re setting the tone for your dating life—one that’s bold, confident, and open to new possibilities.

Let Iris Help You Make That Move

Need a little boost? On Iris Dating, you’ll know right away if the attraction is mutual thanks to our AI-backed matching system. No more wasting time wondering if they’re into you, and no ghosting from people who weren’t interested in the first place.

Plus, Iris helps you learn your type as you go—so when you do make the first move, you’re already ahead of the game. (Bonus: It’s like having your very own wingman in the app.)

So, ready to stop waiting and start creating your own love story? Download Iris Dating and get in the game. The first move has never been this easy—or this fun.