Dating and Relationship Advice

Focusing on yourself in a relationship isn’t always easy, especially if you’re still in the head-over-heels honeymoon stage, which can last longer for some relationships than others.

While in a new relationship, it’s not hard to altogether ditch your old life and routine to pair it with your new partner’s. But, this can become a problem when you start devoting all your time and energy to the relationship and forget to give a little much-needed love and attention to yourself.

Ignoring your own needs and hyper-focusing on a relationship can easily cause unconscious resentment towards your partner or make you begin to feel depressed, unappreciated, and not taken care of. This happens because you expect to get the same energy back by giving your all to a relationship. Unfortunately, that’s not how it always works.

That’s why it’s your responsibility to give yourself the love you deserve by spending time focusing on yourself. And yes, you CAN do this while still being in a secure and committed relationship.

1) Don’t Cut Out Your Social Circle

One of people’s biggest mistakes when entering a relationship is cutting out their social circle. Friday night drinks with the girls turn into nights on the couch with your boo and your go-to contact slides from your BFF to your new partner.

It’s not bad to change your routine a bit to make space for your new friend. However, ditching your old circle to solely focus on your relationship can significantly affect your mental state. It may even hinder your relationship by creating an unrealistic and stressful dependency early on.

It’s essential to balance spending time with your friends while also making time for your partner. Remember that your friends have been there for you in the past. You must understand that they need you just as much as you need them. So make an effort to continue to spend quality time with them and keep those relationships secure and healthy.

2) Learn To Love Alone Time

We all have to learn a huge lesson that being alone has benefits. Learning to love your alone time can be life-changing. However, this isn’t easy to master, as many of us struggle with thoughts of what our partner is doing when we are not around. It’s a particular type of FOMO that can kill a relationship by adding unnecessary worry and stress.

The truth is, everyone needs their alone time, whether that means an hour a day at the gym, a walk outside, reading a good book, or simply watching TV and relaxing on the couch. Feeling content being alone is healthy. Plus, it’s a total turn-on when your partner knows you can be independent and take care of yourself.

If you have trouble learning to love your alone time, make a list of things that make you happy such as bike riding, cooking, drawing, or taking a bubble bath. Then try one of those activities and really try to be present in the moment. For once, this is about YOU, not your partner. So be sure to pay attention to how you feel and enjoy the activity you choose.

3) Focus On Your Individual Goals

We all have goals that we wish to achieve. But, it’s not uncommon to get distracted and veer off-track when you get caught up in a relationship. You may start making goals for the relationship or focusing on your partner’s progress and unconsciously neglect your own.

Take notice of where you are putting your energy when it comes to the future. It’s lovely to have goals as a couple, but that doesn’t mean your initial goals should be pushed to the side. Working on yourself is just as important as your partner working on themselves. Having two strong and ambitious people in a relationship will help to create a secure and progressive relationship.

4) Always Communicate

Communication is key in all aspects of a relationship. And just because you are not always with your partner doesn’t mean you’re not in their thoughts. If you’re feeling insecure taking time away from your partner, even if for a few hours, to focus on yourself, it may help to have a communication plan.

The plan could be as simple as “I’ll call you at 9 PM after I get home from hanging out with the girls,” or it could be “Shoot me a text when you take a break from working out!”. Having a communication plan can help you feel loved and secure even when you are not by your partner’s side.

It’s essential to be open with your partner about your feelings and let them know what you need. However, be sure it’s a realistic request! You can’t expect your partner to text you back and forth consistently at all hours of the day, but it’s perfectly acceptable to ask them to check in for your own peace of mind.

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