Dating and Relationship Advice

If you’re like my friend Margaret, you freeze every time you open a dating app. You find it impossible to forge a connection with someone based on a few selfies and corny pick-up lines. Margaret would download Tinder, Bumble, or Match on lonely evenings — or ones where we had been drinking too much — scroll, swipe, or snap for a little while and then delete the app less than 24 hours later. This cycle continued throughout college, with her consistently becoming overwhelmed with the decision-making and rejection required by many modern dating apps.

It was too hard for her to detect if a guy was being sincere or sneaky, charming or conniving. Margaret couldn’t tell a green flag from a red —so she was constantly throwing up the white one. Instead of surrendering to a life of distrust, she downloaded iris and allowed the app to do the matching for her.

Iris doesn’t wear out your thumbs with swiping — or wear down your patience with catfishing bots. Instead, it matches you with real people who react similarly to images. This forges a connection based on feeling — not just fingers. With iris, it’s easier to make matches because you decide on your emotions and not solely a snapshot of another person. Once dear Maggie took a chance on being happy, she found happiness on iris. You can, too — as long as you know what you’re looking for.

Green Flags to Look For

  • Open Mindedness. Are they receptive to new places, ideas, or points of view? Do they seem excited to learn about what you like and explore? Will they learn as much as they lead? A profile of a person who is open-minded promises exciting adventures and will allow you to be your authentic self around them.
  • Confidence. No one wants an overly conceited match, but a person that projects a healthy amount of self-love is a person that can give you love. Avoid profiles that rely too much on self-deprecation, and look for ones that show pride, compassion, and charisma.
  • Values. No, they don’t need to be the same as yours. A person who is passionate about something — their job, pets, voting rights, whatever — is someone who proves they have that capacity to feel strong feelings.

Green Flags to Fly

  • Honesty. What are the advantages of dating you? Are you always smiling or never indecisive? Make sure your profile is an authentic representation of you — and your green flags — by being genuine about who you are. Yes, there’s such a thing as too much honesty — no need to put the details of your last bad breakup in your profile — but make sure you craft a persona that is true to you and not who you think others want.
  • Initiative. Too often, an exciting spark turns into a dud when neither party takes the important step of asking another person out. People can be scared to venture into the question, but you don’t have to. A profile that shows you can take that first step makes you a more attractive and interesting match.
  • Versatility. You might rock a bathroom mirror selfie or look really good at that wedding you attended last year, but make sure those aren’t the only photos you put out there. Include pictures of you alone and with others, candid and staged, serious and silly. Show your versatility to show the most important green flag: that you are a dynamic person.
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