5 Questions You Should Ask to Deepen Your Relationship

Maybe you first bonded over a shared love of 2000s comedies. Perhaps your friends set you up on a blind date, or you ended up together after a successful one night stand. No matter how your relationship began — from Luke Wilson to extreme luck — it won’t succeed without one thing: a deep emotional bond.

If you ask any therapist or marriage counselor, they’ll tell you building and nurturing emotional intimacy is the key ingredient to relationship success. But they’ll also tell you that it doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn't happen without investing some time.

If you’re ready to make that investment, this list of questions is a great place to start to help deepen your relationship.

1) What do you like most about our relationship?

Who doesn’t love hearing words about how awesome you are? Especially when it comes from a significant other. This is a great opening question because it sets the stage for intimacy, honesty, and a deep conversation, but it's also light and fun. It gets even more fun when your partner’s answer surprises you.

2) How can I show you love?

You probably know that your partner really enjoys having his back scratched or indulging in fancy chocolate from his favorite store. But are those the best ways to show him love so he’ll really feel it?

It’s important to be aware of what kind of love your significant other craves, whether it's words of intimacy, physical affection, acts of service, or any of the other five love languages.

3) What are your biggest fears about our relationship?

Almost everyone will experience relationship anxiety at some point, whether it’s fear of their partner dying or worry that they’re not giving their partner everything they need. Expressing and then talking about these fears might not solve them or make them go away, but it will build immense intimacy and trust.

4) What do you remember from when we first fell in love?

Taking a stroll down memory lane can not only help you reconnect to those original feelings, but it can also help teach you about why your partner fell in love with you in the first place. Don’t be afraid to take the next step with this question and bring some of that new romance energy back into your relationship with dates or activities that remind you of that time.

5) What is the hardest part of our relationship?

No couple is perfect, but many healthy ones make space and time to talk about what they struggle with. This question can be tough, so limit it to one comment per partner. Also, to avoid feeling defensive, try to imagine that your partner is talking about a problem with a friend and not with you. This might help you see their perspective and listen as opposed to shutting down and feeling hurt.

Pro tip!

Don’t just dive into these questions at any old time. You might be ready to go deep, but your significant other might be in the middle of a big work assignment or a hard level on a video game. Instead, set aside time when you’re both free from distractions and in the right mindset for an intimate conversation.